Fishing for compliments

"Fishing for compliments is bad." --my son Jordon, age 11

We do know that it's bad form to fish for compliments, but just for interest, we've been paying attention to the nature of complimenting. We've discovered 3 primary ways to get complimented:

1.  Wear something new (novelty)
2.  Compliment the other person (reciprocity & affirmation)
3.  Put yourself down (self-deprecation)

Here's how the methods work...

Method 1: Wear something new (novelty)

It's mostly novelty that elicits compliments. 
A new dress, a new haircut, even just a new color 
you don't typically wear will lead to compliments--
at least the first time. 

Diego Velázquez Las Meninas [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

"You look nice today." --our first words of greeting often involve clothes.

Method 2: Compliment someone (reciprocity & affimation)

The second way to receive compliments is to give them. Often this method works instantly, but it might also establish a pattern. If compliments are well received (smiles, exuberant thank yous), the compliment-giver will likely bestow some again in the future, & you are encouraged to return the compliment.

True or false: All compliments should be sincere.

Spartan cheerleaders Craig & Arianna, SNL

Arianna:  "How's my hair look?"
Craig:  "It looks ok. You have some split ends, though. I'm sorry. I'm a friend."
Arianna: "I respect your honesty but it still hurts."

Is every compliment true? Would you rather receive only honest input? 
I asked my husband recently to comment on a pair of new shoes, & he said, "Your feet looked stuffed into them." Now that was helpful honesty. I returned the shoes. 

On the other hand, when we compliment someone's new dress or new hairstyle, sometimes we're complimenting the fact that the person took a risk and did something new as much as we're complimenting her outfit or her hair. I appreciate these kinds of compliments. 

Every compliment someone gives you is a gift & becomes part of how you see yourself. 
Savor the best compliments. Give authentic compliments.

Method 3: Put yourself down (self-deprecation)

"I'm not just a fatty with a suit, am I?" --Santa to Mrs. Claus in Arthur Christmas
"Of course not, dear." --Mrs. Claus

We want you to be happy. And, look at you, you're beautiful! We promise to remind you if you ever doubt it.

Side note: Compliments from strangers...

Some times compliments from strangers are the highest form of flattery--truly objective praise. 
Strangers also use compliments to strike up conversations or to butter someone up. 

Good praise from a stranger:

"I like them boots!" --man walking by while I waited for the bus

Bad praise from a stranger:

"Is your mother home, honey?" --door-to-door salesman to middle-aged woman

So...do you think my hair looks ok?