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What to wear when you've been dumped

11/13/2013

6 Comments

 
"One thing I know/ This pain will go." --Suzanne Vega

I kissed a few frogs on the path to meeting my prince. And along the way, some left me green and croaking for a while. In those tough times, I would become even more aware of the textures & qualities of my clothes--my clothes became a form of solace, and dressing up would help me get through the next day even though I wanted to die. 


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I would often turn to corduroy for solace, in particular an oversized navy shirt. I'd study the way my skin looked against this rough fabric, the pureness of its dark color against the light of my skin. I'd pull the shirt around me like a cape and wait out the night. 




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In the morning, the world insisting that I pick myself up and go to work, I'd don a crisp white shirt--white always fresh, always a new start. I'd make lists of all the things I liked about myself, about my life--from my kitty purring on my chest to listening to my favorite songs, to walking in the park through crunchy leaves. 


















I'd go to the movies by myself every Sunday afternoon back then, escape for a couple hours into someone else's make-believe existence. A married woman said to me then: "When you meet the right person, they'll like the same movies you do."



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 image © copyright Mick Lobb & licensed for reuse under Creative Commons Licence





After a while I might start to feel angry instead of sad, anger always a stronger emotion, & then there were lots of options: torn jeans, beat-up tees, & heavy boots.
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If I could make it past the anger, I was about ready to come out of hiding. They say to "take care of yourself," which sometimes translates into buying yourself something new--ideally the trendiest, hottest outfit possible to say "I'm moving forward. I'm part of the new; goodbye, old."

"I'm moving forward. 
I'm part of the new; goodbye, old."

Ask the married when they spent the most on their clothes, and they'll tell you it was either when they got a new job or when they were dating. Looking good on the outside really can help you feel better on the inside. It's not so much the clothes as the confidence they help restore. 


I've been green & I've been blue. But in the end, maybe we just want someone who likes to go to the movies with us, someone who says you look nice every day.

What have you worn to survive a break-up?
6 Comments
Elizabeth link
11/20/2013 10:05:38 am

Love it Josie, my clothes have helped me keep a forward moving perspective but I haven't thought about it in quite this way - thanks:)

Reply
Josie
11/20/2013 10:31:55 am

Thank you so much for commenting, Elizabeth! Was kind of a hard post to put out there--your comment makes me feel like it was ok.

Reply
Sarita Coren link
11/27/2013 06:40:15 am

Josie, what a heart-wrenching post so beautifully expressed and written. You took me right back to those abysmal days of dating. Wish I could say I enjoyed them, but I didn't. Too much heartbreak, as you described. I remember the days of needing to put one foot in front of the other to move forward; slip one foot into each shoe to feel grounded; choose clothing to please myself rather than wonder what would please another; and slowly learn to let go. I remember the cliches that everyone would be quipped with, like: "These things take time," "You're better off," "There are many fish in the sea," and more empty, ineffective words. Do they really think these words would console someone who lost a loved one? I'm sure simply writing this was a huge and painful release of stored heartache and pain. I hope that you feel lighter after letting the words go. Hugs to you <3

Reply
Josie
11/30/2013 09:14:58 pm

Your comment is so beautifully written, Sarita--the images of putting one foot in front of the other, a foot in a shoe to feel grounded. Thank you for reading this post & putting yourself into that place with me. It means a great deal to me since this post was important to me. I'm not sure why I returned to all the memories of past rejection; my husband & I just celebrated our anniversary, & sometimes I can't believe I'm in this life rather than that one. I don't regret any event or time from the past, but it was sometimes very hard indeed. I started out this post with just the top part--just the sad memories--but then my friend Paul read a draft and told me I'd only told half the story. I needed the "after" to the down in the dumps. So I added all the last part, & that made us all feel so much better :-) Love to you, dear!

Reply
Rach
4/1/2014 01:45:38 pm

Lovely post!

Reply
Josie
4/1/2014 08:12:16 pm

Thank you so much for visiting this post yesterday too, Rach! I was thinking about this post compared to the other one. Sometimes for me what I wear helps me feel better or worse, so clothes feel like friends or fenemies :-)

Reply



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